Post by PopeMattythe1st on Feb 13, 2022 14:59:15 GMT -6
I was born for a glorious purpose. I knew this when I was young. I had an entrepreneurial mind even at a young age, starting off selling crayons to other kids in head start who I’d convinced eating said crayons would result in them becoming super heroes.
Looking back, I’m sure I could have turned that particular business into a global empire within a few short years had it not been for a few distractions, the first was my first girlfriend, our head start teacher Mrs. McCorner, a former Miss Ohio. Then of course there was my exploring the option of running for president in 1980. In the end I opted of course not to run as I felt confident Ronny would do just fine.
At any rate, by the end of elementary, I had 7 franchises in different schools selling “edible crayons” I had also admittedly, of course, being only 7 at the time, and not realizing there were legal issues involved, begun operating a “sniff able glue” and sniff able magic marker business as well. Things were going well during those years. I had moved on from Mrs. McCorner and was starting to date some B level celebrities now. A year earlier I had visited my first party at Studio 54, and it had quickly opened new doors for me, socially my circle grew, Farah Fawcett, Cheryl Tiegs, and Cristy Brinkley were soon within that circle and ultimately all were able to date me at different times. Also, as my businesses grew so did the names, I found myself linked to professionally, Onassis, Iacocca, Trump, Pickens. etc...
In middle school I really began to expand my business dealings, over a three-year period I’d taken my local “craze” of crayon eating and through ingenious marketing turned it into a national “epidemic” as the media was calling it. The number of franchises had increased from 7 to over 700. And I’d looked at bigger and better things, I’d realized the real money was not just in the franchises but also in supplying the supplies- I had moved into not just retail and franchising but also into wholesale distribution as I’d taken on the mantel of “school supply distribution”. I was making of millions of dollars a year with selling franchises, and making that much again in profit from my distribution enterprises. Socially I was also making myself quite a name, I was in the 8th grade when I began to regularly party in Hollywood, and soon came to the realization that school was hindering both my party life and almost as importantly, my business life. After one party at the Playboy mansion, I swore off school, insisting it was a waste of time. Six months later my net worth had reached 100 million dollars
Realizing I was inventing entirely new markets I’d begun to heavily invest in Elmer’s Products, makers of Elmer’s glue, and the Binney and Smith Company, makers among other things- Crayola crayons and magic markers. soon I realized though I was still thinking too small, and began to work at increasing my markets onto the global scene. Being worth 100 million was great, but I wanted to be making that annually, at the very least.
One night, at a party with Dana Plato Jim Belushi and Robbin Williams the subject of religion came up, and someone, I was about 2 gallons into some high-quality West Virginia moonshine, therefore suffering from a slight degree of forgetfulness when someone mentioned an old communist quote, that religion was the opium of the people. I’d replied, then there’s where the money is, to which Plato countered, “No way, its sex that sells.”
I was 15 and realized in that moment I’d been wasting my time, chasing play money when serious bucks were out there to be made, and I switched my focus to the sex and religious industries. I started stopped buying interests in the “school supply” industry and started buying brothels in Nevada, Taiwan, the Netherlands and anywhere else I possibly could. In places where those were not legal It was strip clubs, Bikini car washes. I also started up my own church, buying up unused churches across the United States and showing prerecorded Sermons I’d give myself.
Again, there was a lesson to be learned that I picked up fairly quickly, in the U.S religions are not taxed, and there’s lots of loopholes for business owners, once I realized this, I turned all my other business interests over to my church’s mainly made up of young crayon eating, glue and magic marker sniffing members. The money was rolling in, and I was quickly able to cut costs by allowing the church to double at strip clubs after Sunday mornings. The savings were enormous and by my 19th birthday I’d hit my goal, netting $101,734,211.11 dollars made by April when I turned 19
Sometime earlier the Berlin wall had fallen and I’d seen the potential the commies offered. all those hot beauties waiting for a capitalist who knew how to exploit hotness for the most money possible. and the religiously impoverished. those people needed me. I quickly began working with the Kremlin to take over the Russian Orthodox church- of course the Kremlin got a nice cut- 10%, but despite that, my overall profits exploded. By 1996 I was responsible for something like 13.2% of Russia’s gross national product. Millions a year? I was making Billions a month. I had to invest in oil, precious metals and sports just cuz the banks couldn’t deal with holding all my money for me anymore.
Some of my other investments were really starting to pay off too, my churches had been buying plenty of stock in Apple and Microsoft. Berkshire-Hathaway and these would pay off quite well also. But the kicker had been when I was asked to meet with the current Pope to discuss a reunification of the faith, actually it was a great idea I thought, but they were wrong in who to go about it, they’d expected the Russian church to fall back in with the Catholic faith.
To me it was a money losing proposition, The Catholic church had too many guys focused on kids’ peckers, growth was stagnated and they’d done little to turn the tide of religions worst enemy- atheism. No way in hell I was turning my church over to them. Instead, I’d countered. I’d combine my churches with the Catholic church, and cut the top 100 guys in for a share of 10% increase in profits from the year before I took over to whatever I made yearly.
Those jackasses are all Billionaires now. but I got me a billion customers now, so I’m happy. It’s been a good fun life so far. I own something like 13.908% of the world’s wealth, I’ve nailed more women than Ric Flair and Wilt Chamberlin combined. And I own the Boston Celtics. yes, life is good. I’m awesome. life is good, and people wish they were me. It’s good Being the Pope. It’s my purpose. my glorious Purpose.
Looking back, I’m sure I could have turned that particular business into a global empire within a few short years had it not been for a few distractions, the first was my first girlfriend, our head start teacher Mrs. McCorner, a former Miss Ohio. Then of course there was my exploring the option of running for president in 1980. In the end I opted of course not to run as I felt confident Ronny would do just fine.
At any rate, by the end of elementary, I had 7 franchises in different schools selling “edible crayons” I had also admittedly, of course, being only 7 at the time, and not realizing there were legal issues involved, begun operating a “sniff able glue” and sniff able magic marker business as well. Things were going well during those years. I had moved on from Mrs. McCorner and was starting to date some B level celebrities now. A year earlier I had visited my first party at Studio 54, and it had quickly opened new doors for me, socially my circle grew, Farah Fawcett, Cheryl Tiegs, and Cristy Brinkley were soon within that circle and ultimately all were able to date me at different times. Also, as my businesses grew so did the names, I found myself linked to professionally, Onassis, Iacocca, Trump, Pickens. etc...
In middle school I really began to expand my business dealings, over a three-year period I’d taken my local “craze” of crayon eating and through ingenious marketing turned it into a national “epidemic” as the media was calling it. The number of franchises had increased from 7 to over 700. And I’d looked at bigger and better things, I’d realized the real money was not just in the franchises but also in supplying the supplies- I had moved into not just retail and franchising but also into wholesale distribution as I’d taken on the mantel of “school supply distribution”. I was making of millions of dollars a year with selling franchises, and making that much again in profit from my distribution enterprises. Socially I was also making myself quite a name, I was in the 8th grade when I began to regularly party in Hollywood, and soon came to the realization that school was hindering both my party life and almost as importantly, my business life. After one party at the Playboy mansion, I swore off school, insisting it was a waste of time. Six months later my net worth had reached 100 million dollars
Realizing I was inventing entirely new markets I’d begun to heavily invest in Elmer’s Products, makers of Elmer’s glue, and the Binney and Smith Company, makers among other things- Crayola crayons and magic markers. soon I realized though I was still thinking too small, and began to work at increasing my markets onto the global scene. Being worth 100 million was great, but I wanted to be making that annually, at the very least.
One night, at a party with Dana Plato Jim Belushi and Robbin Williams the subject of religion came up, and someone, I was about 2 gallons into some high-quality West Virginia moonshine, therefore suffering from a slight degree of forgetfulness when someone mentioned an old communist quote, that religion was the opium of the people. I’d replied, then there’s where the money is, to which Plato countered, “No way, its sex that sells.”
I was 15 and realized in that moment I’d been wasting my time, chasing play money when serious bucks were out there to be made, and I switched my focus to the sex and religious industries. I started stopped buying interests in the “school supply” industry and started buying brothels in Nevada, Taiwan, the Netherlands and anywhere else I possibly could. In places where those were not legal It was strip clubs, Bikini car washes. I also started up my own church, buying up unused churches across the United States and showing prerecorded Sermons I’d give myself.
Again, there was a lesson to be learned that I picked up fairly quickly, in the U.S religions are not taxed, and there’s lots of loopholes for business owners, once I realized this, I turned all my other business interests over to my church’s mainly made up of young crayon eating, glue and magic marker sniffing members. The money was rolling in, and I was quickly able to cut costs by allowing the church to double at strip clubs after Sunday mornings. The savings were enormous and by my 19th birthday I’d hit my goal, netting $101,734,211.11 dollars made by April when I turned 19
Sometime earlier the Berlin wall had fallen and I’d seen the potential the commies offered. all those hot beauties waiting for a capitalist who knew how to exploit hotness for the most money possible. and the religiously impoverished. those people needed me. I quickly began working with the Kremlin to take over the Russian Orthodox church- of course the Kremlin got a nice cut- 10%, but despite that, my overall profits exploded. By 1996 I was responsible for something like 13.2% of Russia’s gross national product. Millions a year? I was making Billions a month. I had to invest in oil, precious metals and sports just cuz the banks couldn’t deal with holding all my money for me anymore.
Some of my other investments were really starting to pay off too, my churches had been buying plenty of stock in Apple and Microsoft. Berkshire-Hathaway and these would pay off quite well also. But the kicker had been when I was asked to meet with the current Pope to discuss a reunification of the faith, actually it was a great idea I thought, but they were wrong in who to go about it, they’d expected the Russian church to fall back in with the Catholic faith.
To me it was a money losing proposition, The Catholic church had too many guys focused on kids’ peckers, growth was stagnated and they’d done little to turn the tide of religions worst enemy- atheism. No way in hell I was turning my church over to them. Instead, I’d countered. I’d combine my churches with the Catholic church, and cut the top 100 guys in for a share of 10% increase in profits from the year before I took over to whatever I made yearly.
Those jackasses are all Billionaires now. but I got me a billion customers now, so I’m happy. It’s been a good fun life so far. I own something like 13.908% of the world’s wealth, I’ve nailed more women than Ric Flair and Wilt Chamberlin combined. And I own the Boston Celtics. yes, life is good. I’m awesome. life is good, and people wish they were me. It’s good Being the Pope. It’s my purpose. my glorious Purpose.